


coming to term(s)

by boxofnothing



Series: six words is so not enough [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Babies, F/M, Future Fic, Miscarriage, Pre-Relationship, Rosa's point of view, god you all are seriously going to hate me after this one, inspired by 6 word story, it's so sad, like this is not really a happy fic, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 21:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxofnothing/pseuds/boxofnothing
Summary: Rosa knew Jake and Amy were gonna have kids. Sure when she met the two of them she didn't think it should happen let alone with each other. When Amy got pregnant she was happy for them, even though it wasn't a part of Amy's life plan. It sucks that life had her stick to the plan.or Jake and Amy get pregnant and lose the baby and Rosa watches her friends fall apart and then start to put it back together again.





	coming to term(s)

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this pic is really my baby. Like really my baby. I cried over this baby in a Barnes and Noble. So if I cried it's kinda given that you all are gonna cry. I'm sorry but you read the tags.
> 
> So for a long time I have had the idea of writing a miscarriage fic and I just didn't have the right niche to write it I guess. Whenever I thought about it it didn't seem right. Now when I started this I really didn't know how I was gonna write it and I really didn't know a lot about the topic. So I took to google and really it's so sad. There are a lot of blog posts about people's experiences and how they felt and really do not chose to read about miscarriage in public or on your period because it's so sad.
> 
> Anyway, I really didn't know a lot and even though I went through public school in high school in NYS, I thought I had a general gist and I guess I did but it's a lot more than just bleeding once. You have to follow up multiple times with your OBGYN and I guess I didn't fully understand why people wait when they find out they are pregnant because having to turn around and tell people you aren't pregnant is probably the hardest thing people had to do after it happened.
> 
> Now, I made specific choices when I wrote this because I am only 19 and I have not been pregnant and I have not had kids so I can't really relate. I do know people that have miscarried and my mom I found out actually miscarried but it isn't the same as it actually happening to you. That is why I chose Rosa's pov and I tried to make it as accurate as I would feel if I was in her shoes.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and that it helps you understand miscarriage a little bit better or causes you to do some research yourself.

 

> _for sale: baby shoes, never worn_
> 
>  

When Rosa was nine, she found her mother crying in the bathroom.

She wasn’t sobbing or anything but she was definitely crying and she was definitely trying to hide it. Rosa wasn’t sure what to think of it. Her mother didn’t cry. Her mother didn’t like it when Rosa cried, so she especially didn’t like it when she herself cried.

It was so weird.

She slowly pushed open the door of the bathroom and immediately her mother tried to stop crying. She quickly tucked something under her shirt and away from Rosa’s line of sight. She knew her mother was hiding something from her, she just didn’t know what.

Her mother quickly wiped her cheeks from any evidence of tears and got up off of the toilet where she was sitting, “Yes, mija?” Her mother finally spoke, with a clearly forced smile.

“Dad said dinner is ready. He made arroz con pollo.” Rosa said carefully. Her mother was upset and her mother was _never_ upset. Sure she was mad and sure she was cold and distant sometimes, but she never looked sad.

“Tell your father I’ll be down in a minute. I need to glasses.”

“Ok mom.” Rosa starts to leave the bathroom, when she stops and turns to look at her mom who has the broken look on her face again, “Um, are you ok?”

Rosa’s mother looks up at Rosa with a small smile and says, “I will be, mija. I will be.”

Rosa left the bathroom and they never talked about it again.

* * *

When Rosa first met Jake, she decided that he could not and should not have children. EVER. He was not mentally equipped to manage his own life let alone another human being he helped create.

When they talked about it once (because he wanted to know what a mini Rosa would look like and therefore started a whole other conversation), he told her how he didn’t want kids.

“So you ever think about like having a family?” Rosa asks after the whole conversation about why he will never see pictures of her when she was little because she incinerated all of the evidence of her ever being younger than 22. (Which of course was a lie because her mother really, really loved to scrapbook.)

“Hmm?” Jake grunts not even really looking up from the movie playing on his television.

“Like you want kids?”

“I don’t know. I think I might want them, but I don’t think I’d really be able able to raise a suitable human being. I have no one to base my parenting style on, you know?” Jake says taking a swig of his beer and sort of diverting his attention from the movie. He turns to look at her, “Why? You want kids?” He stops and gasps, “Oh my god! Tiny, mini Rosas! They’d look so cute! Just imagine all your, ‘I’m so tough, I carry knives with me everywhere and could kill you in your sleep’ vibe, but on a tiny little ballerina kid!”

He’s totally over the moon with this vision she has clearly given him, but she responds to his earlier question to keep this conversation from spiralling.

“Nah, I don’t want kids. I just wanted to know if you wanted any.” He looks at her with complete bewilderment.

When he finally speaks he points right at her, “You, Rosa Diaz, are curious about a personal matter?!”

“Hey, man I was just curious! Let it go!”

“Oh, no, Rosa I will not let this go. You actually care. You actually care. I will never let-” She quickly pulls out her hunting knife and points it at him, “I _will_ let this go.” He says gulping.

“Good, now what movie is this again?”

“Oh my god Rosa, it’s _Die Hard_! The greatest cop movie in all of human existence. I have said the name of this movie at least 10 times since the movie started. How do you not know what movie this is?!”

Rosa just leans back in one of Jake’s massage chairs and silently smirks to herself as he clearly forgets what they were just talking about as he go off talking about Nakatomi Plaza and something John McClane shot or was shot or saved from being shot. She wasn’t really paying any attention because Die Hard is definitely not on her top 10 favorite cop movies list.

* * *

When Amy first transferred to the Nine-Nine, she annoyed the shit out of her.

There was something about her whole kiss ass attitude that really rubbed Rosa the wrong way. She cared way more about pleasing McGintley than finding the criminals.

Sure, procedure is important, but morals are ultimately a little more important than pleasing the big man (who really gave a rat’s ass about Santiago’s ass kissing).

It took Rosa 4 months and 23 days to actually like Amy.

They were working on the Bailie case and it was a nasty one. A man, John Francis Bailie, and his wife, Marcy,  had been murdered in his house in front of his family. Bailie’s 8 year old daughter had witnessed the entire thing since the man that killed Bailie insisted she watch the whole thing. When they interviewed the little girl, her cries rang throughout the precinct for her parents.

They weren’t able to get her to calm down until her aunt came to pick her up.

They hadn’t had a break in the case for over 2 weeks and it was starting to take a toll on them.

Rosa had spent two nights in a row at the precinct with Amy trying to find _anything_ to help find the person that did this.

Amy was pouring over all the records when suddenly she stood right up and left the room and came back five minutes later with a thick file.

“Lyle Masterson, I knew I recognized the name. I arrested him for a B and E back when I was at the 7-4. He has a nasty record.”

“What’s his connection to the family?”

“He’s a delivery man for the garden company the victim used for his landscaping.”

“Santiago, _this_ is a lead.”

“Damn straight it is. We gonna go bring him in?”

“Hell yeah we are.”

* * *

They brought him in but nothing was able to stick and they had to let him go. Rosa really thought he did it. All the markers were there. He had to have done it, but they couldn’t find the gun and even though his alibi was shitty at best, they couldn’t prove he did it.

“So what? We just let him walk?” Amy asks, walking right up next to Rosa as she watches Masterson walk out with that smug look of his, like he knows he’s getting away with it.

“Not a chance. He did it because he wanted to. He’ll do it again. We’ll stake him out.”

“How do you know he’ll do it again?”

“It’s just a gut feeling. He got more than just electronics and jewelry out of that.”

* * *

Rosa had been in a car with Amy for about 4 days and she could tell the silence was starting to get to Amy. Rosa was perfectly content with sitting in a car in comfortable silence. It gave her time to think.

But it was driving Amy crazy.

“How do you do that?” Amy breaks the silence finally.

“What?”

“How do you just not seem to care?”

“Care about what?”

“Rosa, I’ve known you for 4 months and I barely know anything about you. We’ve basically been alone together for 4 days and barely had a conversation. Do you just not care about other people?”

It never occurred to Rosa that it might come across that she doesn’t care. It’s just how she is. She likes her business to stay her business. It’s just how she is.

Rosa opens her mouth to speak but closes it. She thinks for a moment more, and then responds, “You like your coffee with caramel instead of sugar if it’s available. You have seven brothers. I thought it was only three for a while but then you mentioned a different name 4 times after three of them had come to take you to lunch. You’re a little controlling, but you know how to manage it to your advantage. And even though you won’t admit it, this case is getting to you.” She never looked at Amy, her gaze still focused on Masterson’s house.

Amy doesn’t respond and once again the car falls into silence.

Finally Rosa breaks the silence again, “I was raised in a house that didn’t really express how they felt, so I kinda picked it up. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about other people. I just tend to let other people’s business be their’s while mine stays mine.”

Amy doesn’t say anything for a while. Rosa can tell she’s trying to process what Rosa said and that she isn’t really cold.

Eventually, Amy finally speaks, “How did you know it was getting to me?”

“I know I’m not great with emotions, but it’s getting to me too.” Amy smiles slightly. It’s like Rosa’s admittance to actually having feelings gave her some solace. Which is understandable because Rosa does not wear her emotions on her sleeve.

“It just makes me never want to be a parent, you know?” Amy says turning to look at Rosa.

“If I had already not decided to have kids, this would be my reason not to have them.” Rosa spills into the already heavy atmosphere.

Amy looks forward again and away from Rosa. She eventually says, “This just sucks.”

“I know.” Rosa agrees.

They don’t talk again until they have to follow Masterson out from his house.

* * *

They eventually catch him 3 days later, when he breaks into an apartment. When the bust through the door they find the mother and father tied in chairs facing their two children, a 15 year old and a 7 year old.

Rosa might’ve accidentally put the handcuffs on a little too tight.

Amy might’ve accidentally hit his head when putting him into the police car.

They watched the police car drive away as he screamed police brutality but he couldn’t prove it. He orphaned a little girl and almost 2 more children, he deserved the tight handcuffs and slight bump on his head from hitting the top of the car door.

“I knew we were right.”

“Me too, I think we deserve a beer, don’t you think.”

“No, I think we deserve multiple beers.”

* * *

When Jake and Amy killed their captain, Rosa knew.

She knew right then and there that even though they kind of just killed a dude (unintentionally, but still) that they were kind of perfect for each other.

When she figured out Jake had oh so messy feelings for Amy she was unsure. She knew that partner relationship were messy and the fallout was undeniable. Jake was just setting himself up to fall, and fall hard. But even though she had never really had some real incredible feelings for anyone (even Marcus) she knew that those feelings weren’t going to just go away on their own.

And then she caught Amy double tucking and she was still uncertain. A little less uncertain but still uncertain.

They were both really different. Different didn’t always work.

But when she saw the two of them standing there, trying so hard to hide it when they couldn’t, it was like everything seemed to click for her. They made so much sense together.

They literally killed a person and even though it was horrible and it sucked.

Rosa couldn’t help but feel happy for them as she watched them hardcore make out on the security cam with Boyle trying to contain his little squeals of happiness.

* * *

They were at Shaw’s one night after a case. Jake and Amy were just about to celebrate their one year wedding anniversary and Rosa had had a couple (really it’s 5, but who’s counting anyway) drinks so she was a little tipsy. (Just a little, but she isn’t telling anyone. shhhhhh).

“So when are you having babies?” She asks Jake bluntly as he takes a swig of beer, nearly choking on it and spitting it everywhere.

He swallows his beer and looks right over at Rosa, “What?!”

“When will we see the babies?” Rosa’s ‘slightly’ intoxicated brain can just imagine tiny little kids running around with Jake’s nose and Amy’s type A personality while single handedly having Jake’s all over the place personality. They’d be soooo cute!

“What babies?!” He looks so taken aback but Rosa doesn’t care. They are so gonna have babies. They’ll definitely be parents. She can sense it.

“The babies you and Amy are sooooooo gonna have.” Jake continues to look at her like she has three heads. He looks at her for a minute and then his face softens. He turns back to face the bar and takes a swig of his beer.

He looks at her again, “You my friend are drunk.”

“Nuh uh.” She says, taking a long drink from her glass. “Diaz’s do _not_ get drunk.”

“I beg to differ.” He smirks into his bottle. “Anyway, how do you know we are gonna have kids?”

“Dude, you guys are gonna have kids.”

Surprised, he asks, “How can you know that?”

“You two are gonna be parents. It’s the same way I know I’m not gonna have kids. I just know these things.” She answers truthfully. “So when’s it gonna happen? Boyle has been waiting forevvvvveeeeer.”

Jake takes another swig of his beer and looks straight ahead, “We’re waiting until Amy makes captain.”

“Ooooooooh, that makes so much sense.” Because it does. Everyone knows Amy is gonna be a captain. She totally is. Rosa might some day but she’s happy with detective.

Jake puts his now empty bottle down on the bar and gets out of his chair. He looks right at Rosa, “I think it’s time for you to go home. You are asking about my personal life.”

He takes the glass out of her hands and puts in down on the bar. He starts to carefully take Rosa out of her chair. He makes sure Rosa get home safely and puts her into bed.

(Not that she remembers much of that.)

Just as Jake is about to leave, he hears Rosa mumble, “You’re gonna make a good dad Jake.”

* * *

Like Rosa suspected, Amy got pregnant.

Of course it was an accident because Amy had just made lieutenant, but it happened. Rosa could tell they were so happy regardless that this completely did not fit into their plan.

She could see the nervousness of everything roll off the two of them.

Rosa knew about Jake’s doubts, but she knew now he’d make a fantastic dad.

Over the next few months, they did all of the stuff parents pregnant with their first child do: the birthing classes, the shopping, the surprise baby shower (Gina planned it and it was fabulous).

Amy was 8 months and on part-time leave when it happened.

They’re on a stakeout and he’s been talking about the nursery and its decorations for almost 20 minutes now and Rosa is ready to blow her brains out. When she asked it was to be considerate. She really could care less about the color of the nursery.

“So like we painted the nursery green because like green is a nice color and non-gender specific, and like-” That’s when Jake’s phone rings and she is so goddamn thankful he has to stop talking about what paint color they are going to paint the trim.

“One sec,” he tells her as he picks up his phone, “Peralta,”

He pauses and she can hear someone speaking on the other end, “Yes, this is he.”

She watches as his brow furrows and his face start to fall from the happiness of their conversation about goddamn paint.

“What? What happened?” He asks and pauses again waiting for the person to answer, “Okay okay okay okay okay, uh where is she?” He runs, a hand over his face, his leg starting to jiggle. His face is dropping with every passing second and as she’s sitting there watching him she can feel her stomach starting to drop.

“Ok, uh I’ll be right there. I’m about ten minutes away, uh thank you.”

He hangs up the phone and just stares at his phone in his lap for a second before suddenly jolting to life, “I need to go. I need to go right now. Right now Rosa. Right now.” He’s trying open the car door and Rosa assumes run to wherever he needs to be. Rosa grabs his hand to try and calm him down

“Jake, calm down what happened?”

“Brooklyn Methodist.”

“What?”

“Brooklyn Methodist, Rosa! I need to go!” She jumps a little at the yelling, but she quickly starts the car, not really caring about the stakeout anymore. She knows something is wrong and that whatever is happening right now is more important than the low level drug dealer that probably won’t even show up in the next 6 hours.

The drive silently other than the incessant bouncing of Jake’s foot and some mutterings under his breath.

They are just pulling out in front of the hospital and just before Jake gets out she grabs his arm and he looks like he’s about to bite her head off for stopping him but she stops him, “Hey, whatever this is, everything is going to be fine. It’s all gonna be fine.”

Jake looks at her with wide eyes and then slowly nods before pulling his arm out of Rosa’s grasp and getting out of the car and sprinting into the hospital.

She’s left sitting there in front of the hospital wondering what the hell happened and thinking that if she actually believed in god now would be the time to pray.

* * *

When Rosa finally parked the car and made her way into the hospital waiting room, she still had no idea what was happening and who to call. Should she call Amy, the Captain, Boyle?

What would she even tell who she called? She literally knew nothing. All she knew was that Jake was called to the hospital forcing them to leave their stake- _Shit. The stakeout. Now she had to call Holt._

She pulled out her phone as she sat down in one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs bolted to the floor in most hospital waiting rooms.

The phone rang three times before it was picked up, _“Holt’s phone, Gina speaking.”_

“Gina, it’s Rosa, I need to talk to Holt.”

_“No can do. He’s currently at a meeting with the commissioner and is forwarding all his calls. But what can I do for you?”_

“Well, I just needed to tell Holt we kinda had to bail on our stakeout. Jake got a call and kinda just lost it and made me drive to the hospital.”

_“What? What happened?”_

“I don’t know. He didn’t tell me anything. It’s like he completely shut down. This was my first call. I was gonna call Amy next but I had to tel Holt about the stakeout first.”

_“Shit.”_

“What?”

_“Whatever happened, it’s bad. He shut down like that when he found out about Nana. Are you with him?”_

“No, I dropped him off and he like sprinted in. And I’m not related to him and I don’t know who it would be, he’s here for.”

_“Rosa, I’m leaving now and you are a cop, use your badge and get me some answers or I will come there and get answers and I will be loud and angry.”_

“It’s Brooklyn Methodist and I’ll see what I can do.”

_“‘K and I’ll try and call Amy, see if i can get some answers from her.”_

Gina hangs up after that and Rosa is left to herself to think about what happened. But she doesn’t want to just imagine what might’ve happened, so she gets up and makes her way to the check in desk to see if she can get answers.

She’s just about to reach the desk when her phone buzzes.

**From: Gina Linetti**

sent 4:56

_called amy and she didn’t answer. ask bout her first. hed freak bout her the most_

Shit.

Rosa read the message like 3 times before it really sank in. Something happened with the pregnancy. They might lose their baby. God she hopes it isn’t about Amy and she’s just taking a nap because recently Amy is always taking a nap.

“Can I help you?” A way too cheery woman in a bird covered shirt asks her.

“Uh, what?”

“You’ve been standing there for awhile and I watched you come over. Can I help you with anything?”

“Uh yeah, my friend got a call about 20 minutes ago and I want to know who he came for.”

“Do you have a name? I can run a name to see if they were admitted.”

“Amy Santiago-Peralta, she’s 8 months pregnant, if that helps.”

“It does, thank you.” The woman taps on the keyboard for a moment and then clicks a few times before looking up with sad eyes.

“Just say it.” Rosa says closing her eyes and hoping for the best, event though she knows the best would mean Amy is currently at her home doing whatever she wants to do and not here in this hospital.

“All I can say is she was admitted about 40 minutes ago with a placental abruption. You aren’t family so I can’t tell you more. I’m sorry.”

Rosa doesn’t say anything else to the woman. She just walks away as if in autopilot back to her seat and just sits not sure how to react to that.

Placental abruption.

She knows what it means because her sister had one and almost lost Cason, her youngest. But Cason and Maria ended up being fine so Amy and her baby are going to be fine.

They are going to be fine.

Rosa doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting there before Gia shows up and nearly scares the shit out of her because she isn’t really paying attention to anything besides the fake ficus in the corner of the waiting room that still kind of looks like its dying.

“Hey, you find out what happened?” Gina says as she sits down and lightly puts her hand on Rosa’s arm. The instant contact seems to jolt her back to reality.

“Huh?”

“What happened?” Gina asks with more force, clearly nervous about what it is and from the look in her eyes, Rosa can tell she is suspecting the worst.

“Placental abruption.”

“What?” Gina’s face drops even further than it already was. Rosa knows that Gina knows what she said but it just didn’t sink all the way in. She got that.

“Amy was admitted for a placental abruption.” She repeated.

“No.”

“That’s what the woman at the front desk told me.” Rosa states, looking away from Gina and back to the sad looking ficus.

“Oh, Rosa, that’s-”

“Bad.” Rosa finishes for her, “I know. My sister had one and it’s bad. She almost lost my nephew.”

“Oh I know, this could ruin them if they lose the baby.” Rosa knew what losing a child could do to a person. She had seen so many divorces cases result because of the loss of a child. It destroys perfectly happy families. People who promised to stay together for better or worse. Rosa hated to think of that happening to them. But she knew it could.

“I know.”

“But it won’t.” Gina amends, “Whatever happens they’ll figure it out. I know they will.”

* * *

Rosa and Gina leave after 6 hours of sitting in the waiting room. They didn’t hear any news and Jake didn’t call and no one else showed up. It was almost 11 at night when Rosa decided they should go.

“Gina, we should go. Whatever happened, they aren’t gonna come out and tell us and if they need us Jake will call.”

Gina looks up from her phone to look at her. She uncurls her legs from under her and stands. “You’re right. We can make them something and bring it to them when they tell us what happened. Because if Jake hasn’t come out now he isn’t coming now.”

They get up and decide not to talk about anything because they both know deep down that the news they’re gonna get it likely to be bad. If it was good, Jake would’ve called by now boasting about his new kid. Jake was so excited to be a dad and now in the last leg his dreams were dashed.

Gina took an Uber to the hospital, so Rosa offers to drive her home.

“Can I crash at yours? Don’t really feel like being alone right now.”

Rosa nods silently and takes the next right to turn around and head in the direction of her place.

Normally, Rosa would scoff and say something about it being her place and her privacy is sacred but right now doesn’t feel like the time.

But really, deep down she’s thankful Gina asked because then she didn’t have to.

* * *

Rosa and Gina don’t bring it up to anyone besides Holt because he needs to know why she and Peralta bailed on the stakeout and why he hasn’t showed up to work in the past 5 days.

All three of them had agreed that it wasn’t their place to say what happened but that they’d support Jake and Amy, when they decided to come forward with what had happened. They also didn’t want to admit that the worst had actually happened.

By the time Jake had been out of work for 10 days, Rosa decided she needed to check up on them.

She hates the idea of being intrusive and butting into people’s live when she doesn’t belong but it’s been 10 days without a word from either of them. She knows they haven’t really called anyone and haven’t reached out with good news, but they’re her friends and she’d hope that if something like this they’d be there for her.

She doesn’t end up ringing the buzzer of their apartment because she trails in with another tenant and before she knows it she’s in front of their door knowing she has to knock but not sure if she can.

She probably stands in front of their door for 3 minutes, holding a bag of groceries she bought on the way here before she finally knocks.

She hears rustling around the apartment and then the door opens to find a completely destroyed looking Jake Peralta.

Rosa isn’t shocked but it just confirms everything and she has to push back the tears, she feels welling in her eyes.

Jake looks at her not sure how to act before suddenly he completely breaks down. His shoulders slump and tears start streaming down his face from his already red rimmed eyes. He starts to wobble and leans against the wall next to the door for support before he just let’s gravity take over and slides down to the floor.

Rosa watches with wide eyes as he brings his hands to his face and just buries himself in them. She watches one of her closest friends completely disintegrate before her from her spot at the door with the bag of groceries.

It feels so surreal.

So surreal.

This shouldn’t be happening. She doesn’t know how to handle this.

Then all of a sudden it was like a switch flipped for her and she walked forward into the apartment and put the groceries on the nearest table. Just as she turns around to Jake, she catches sock covered foot and gives a little sigh of relief. At least Amy is still here.

She crouches to Jake’s level and sits next to him with her back against the wall.

Jake just continues to cry the most horrible sound. All she can think is that she’s never heard him cry like this. She’s never seen this much raw emotion from him.

They sit there for about 10 minutes before he starts to calm down.

He takes a few deep breaths before he decides to speak. Rosa doesn’t push him, she just lightly puts her hand on his arm to let him know she’s there.

“Wwe-we-” He starts, but can’t seem to keep going. He takes another deep breath to trying and compose himself, “Wwe had to cre-cremate,” He closes his eyes and takes another deep breath, “Cremate her. They said we didn’t have a ch-ch-choice, Rosa. Or we had to buy a casket.” And he falls apart again. Tears streaming down harder than before. Rosa doesn’t know what to do besides wrap her arms around his shoulders and bring him to her.

It’s awkward for her because she’s never done this for really anyone before and she’s never let anyone do it for her but it feels natural. It feels necessary. So they just sit there with Jake sobbing into her shirt and Rosa stroking his back trying to calm him down.

She stays there for as long as they needed her. She made them a large pot of soup so it could just sit on the stove top and they wouldn’t have to think about anything.

When she finally leaves its around 11 at night. They’re both asleep on the couch with Amy in Jake’s arms. She throws a blanket over them before she leaves and makes sure the load of laundry she did for them is folded and put away with one outfit for each of them laid out and ready, so they can wear real clothes.

She leaves without a goodbye, but she knows if they were both fully there she’d get one. For now, their gentle breathing is good enough for her.

* * *

Jake comes back to work after 2 weeks. Rosa can tell he doesn’t want to be there, but Holt let him works part-time for a couple of weeks and she’s thankful Holt is letting him gradually ease back into life.

She’s never seen Jake that far gone and she knows he has a long way to go before he’s even remotely like his old self. But going back to work is a start.

He still hasn’t told the squad what happened and she feels like she’s lying to them.

Their original due date is tomorrow and Charles literally hasn’t stopped bouncing. She heard him and Terry talking and he thinks Jake and Amy just went on a babymoon before their kid was born. They still have no idea, yet she’s surprised neither of them have picked up on Jake’s complete change in behavior. Holt has chained Jake to the desk and Jake hasn’t so much as fought back.

He doesn’t talk about anything baby related unlike the constant barrage of baby talks he had before it happened.

She’s knows they aren’t stupid but they had to have figured something happened by now.

Jake comes in late again, with heavy bags under his eyes when Charles runs up to him with excitement in his eyes. Charles might’ve been more excited for Baby Santiago-Peralta than Santiago and Peralta.

Charles has yet to say anything but she is just about to get up and grab Charles because she’s locked eyes with Gina, because both of them have been trying to keep him away from Jake, when suddenly Holt comes to their aid.

“Boyle!”

“Yes, sir?” He turns to Holt.

“My office. I have an assignment for you.” Holt turns around and walks right into his office. Boyle looks back at Jake and shrugs his shoulders and follows Holt to his office. Rosa watches Jake fall into his chair and let his head fall back.

Rosa looks at Gina and Gina nods her head at him. She sighs and rolls her chair over to Jake’s desk.

“Hey man, you ok?” Rosa says, genuinely concerned. He looks horrible but he looks better than he has.

“Yeah, it’s just. He’s a lot right now.” He breathes out. He starts to fuss with the files on his desk trying to distract himself.

“Charles is always a lot.”

“I know, it’s just he’s so excited and I know once I tell him it’s just all gonna get so much worse and I can barely handle him right now and I know, he’ll be too much for Amy.”

Rosa looks down slightly knowing why he’s been putting off telling Boyle because it makes sense. It makes sense, it just seems to unfair to Boyle. She knows he’s excited. He’s happy for his friend to become a dad like he did.

“You need to tell him. He’ll help you through this and you know it. And we’ll make sure that he isn’t too overbearing once you tell him.” She tells him genuinely. She and Gina will make sure he isn’t too much for the grieving couple.

“I know.”

“Tell him with Terry and that way Terry will be there to lighten Charles a little. I think Sharon had a miscarriage before the twins so he might know what you and Amy are going through. He might understand that you two need a little space and he might let Charles know that.”

“Thanks Rosa.” Rosa smiles knowingly at Jake as he runs a hand over his face. “God, I wasn’t ready for this today.” He says as he turns back to his files and Rosa walks away.

She really wishes it didn’t happen at all. Jake and Amy deserved a happy, healthy, little girl to coo over.

* * *

Charles came out of Holt’s office about 20 minutes and he looks happy.

She feels bad knowing that Charles will for sure be crying once Jake tells him.

Jake flags Charles down and diverts the two of them to the briefing room where Terry has been working since he got there this morning. Jake pulls the door close behind him and catches Rosa gaze. He gives her a sad smile before pulling the door closed.

* * *

They come out almost a half an hour later and Charles is clearly trying to hide the tears. Terry’s face is a little wet and he looks upset.

Jake’s eyes are rimmed red but he looks relieved.

Rosa catches his attention and he mouths ‘thanks’ before heading back to his desk.

God, this is so hard.

* * *

Amy came to work about a week after Jake.

No one said anything because everyone already knew and what are you supposed to say that doesn't come off a jackass or like you know exactly how she feels.

Rosa has no idea how to comprehend what she's going through. What _they're_ going through.

And she doesn't want to.

Rosa slips out of the building sometime between Boyle walking past the couple, attempting not to cry because they told him not to, and Holt telling Amy she could take a break whenever she needed to. (Jake and Amy have had enough tears shared between themselves. He doesn't need to make their pain worse.)

She knows the pain is not going to go away.

She can't say she knows how they feel. She's not really in touch with her emotions and the closest she's ever gotten to losing someone close to her is when her grandfather almost died (but made a miraculous recovery and screwed her in the end) and when Adrien was almost killed.

And neither of those even come close to what they're going through.

“Uh, medium black coffee, a large caramel mocha with whipped cream, and a large of whatever your chocolatiest coffee drink is.”

“The cafe mocha with extra chocolate.”

“Great, I'll take that.”

“That'll be $12.48.”

“Great,” she mumbles to the barista and pulls a twenty out of her wallet. The barista makes the change and hands it back to her.

“Have a great day!” The man says way to cheerfully for her taste and Rosa stuffs the money back in her wallet and walks over to wait by the counter for her drinks.

She knows it isn't much but it's the least she can do for them. They deserve so much better than an overpriced cup of coffee. But for now she can do this for them.

She walks back into the precinct and Amy looks exhausted as she pours over her paperwork. The dark circles under her eyes seem heavier when her face is shadowed. Jake's shoulders are slumped back and even though he's been back at work for 2 weeks he hasn't really gotten much work done. She knows those slumped shoulders are thinking about something that isn't the arrest report pulled up on his screen.

She heads toward their desk and puts the two drinks down next to them, gives the two of them a small smile and heads back to her desk.

She logins to her computer and quickly glances over to Jake and Amy and she catches small smiles, genuine smiles, she hasn't seen in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is it. I had an alternate ending idea but I decided on this and I hope I did the topic justice. I do refuse to write the miscarriage scene with Jake and Amy because I feel I cannot fully understand it because I haven't had that experience, but I encourage people to write it if they want.
> 
> If anyone wants to share their experiences I encourage you to speak in the comments. I feel it's a topic people don't talk enough about and it shouldn't be as taboo I guess as it is. It's horrible but it is never really anyone's fault. An understanding could be helpful to those that have a friend or family member going through a miscarriage.
> 
> M


End file.
